Jeremy's 3,458'th Blog (is a log of abstract thoughts)

Hmm.. But why?

Why does evil always lose to good? I like the 9 alignments system for certain reasons. But due to the endless perspectives of others, and unconnected consciousnesses, how can evil even exist? It really can’t. Evil is what you don’t like. Your evil may be someone else’s good.

But still, when I observe classic examples of good vs evil (darkness and light, angel and demon, etc), it seems good always wins. Why? What makes good so right? It’s just a team. Ok so maybe team evil was too powerful and dangerous, so team good took them out. That means you just have another threat: Team good.

If team good takes out team evil, they are stronger and therefore more threatening than team evil. So who’s going to take out team good? Another team evil? Or a new team good? Does that mean they are evil and not good? Or does that mean everyone is good and evil?

If a lion attacks you, you realize you have screwed up. You put yourself in a situation to be attacked by a lion. You would not assume the lion was evil, because wild animals do not have alignment. They focus on instincts and survival. You would, however, still try to kill it to save yourself. If a person attacks you, then you assume they are bad or evil. Even if you had it coming. To further complicate things, you may have to cause them death to save yourself. But even then, most wouldn’t want to. Even after they assume the person is evil. Even though racism counters it, humans must have some kind of value to each other that defies survival. For example… Selfless sacrifice. Even if you saved your s.o. or changed the world, it was one step forward and All The Steps Back. Once you die… You are gone. You will never understand your sacrificial death. You sped up time for yourself to alter something you will never have thought of due to not existing enough to remember. Complex, but true.

careless.

tumblr - land of confused teens, hipsters, and psychotic women.

why it’s hard for me to stay in my comedy zone

before music became the known thing about me i was really into drawing and writing. i still am, and recently have revived an old comic series of mine that i plan to build a website for and publish online.

i’m good at it, i think. but it’s one of the more challenging things for me in life. when it comes to music, i can set a bar and meet expectations much below what i am really capable of (when it comes down to pressure and pushing the limits) if necessary. which means, in short, music will always be easy for me to some level.

comics, though. comics are an odd combination of easy and hard. but not really moderate. today i’m going to complain about myself.

some days i have it in the bag. i can make 5 comic strips in a row (on a saint-like day), or maybe 1 or 2 a day, possibly at a pace of twice a week. but a lot of times i have these down eras where i cannot even focus. the primary downfall here is my lack of control over negative emotions when creativity is abundant in me. i could be having a neutral day and SOMETHING will throw it off, which results in inspiration leaving my mind and an excess of procrastination and depression.

but my comedy skills are not effected. whatever level those skills hold is still intact. it’s just the other things that seem to kill it off each day. the hopelessness, or lack of faith, in my work compared to the vast world out there of other works. really, i shouldn’t care. it’s art to me and i’m proud of it. and that’s what counts. but for once i’d like to see something succeed outside of this garage. even though i’m constantly orbiting my art, comics, music, and writings, it doesn’t seem to get them far enough mainly due to my lack of focus.

why do i surround myself with useless things, such as facebook or tv? i try to limit myself to distractions, but it always comes back. i guess when it comes right down to it, it’s all about self-control. if facebook is an unhelpful distraction, i should avoid it at all costs. if watching tv isn’t helping my art, then why bother? and i’m not even a tv person, so how in the hell did i end up in that rut?

i guess when i’m not working at my job-job, or investing time into my projects, i enjoy time to not do things. which sucks because now is a terrible time to be like that. at 25, i must attain my worth from the world through hard work, sweat, and sacrifice.

but if i’m feeling down, lonely, or tired, then i can’t force a joke. and i’m not rich enough to hire writers. nor would i, since i’d rather do it myself as a personal accomplishment and proud owner of the creation to begin with. though at the same time i don’t even approve of my own work most of the time. i’m constantly bashing myself, throwing ideas out the window because they don’t meet my standard. i’m a striving perfectionist and i’m driving myself insane with that quality. it takes me a lot of time to accept one of my works as its final form. so even if i could focus constantly, i would still produce at a moderate rate rather than fast at all.

i don’t believe i should alter my personality as a perfectionist. i like that quality of me because i feel it gives more quality to my work. and i don’t feel that i am wrong for anything either. i’m just at a point where it’s either do it or don’t. doesn’t even matter on the timing, but the sooner the better. or perhaps the sooner the best, because i have even more plans and finishing perhaps one will give me the boost i need to keep going and become known for the things i wish to be known for. and involved myself in the world i wish to be involved in.

you can always count on everyone to let you down. life is a series of let downs and failures. just when you think things are going your way, someone lets you down. you can never count on happiness and now you can’t even count on just being content.

another pretentious rant..

just want to blindly type about how i feel everyone’s catching the stupid. or maybe everyone’s catching the ‘life’ and i’m not.

honestly my brain is elsewhere. i’d like to focus on me if i felt it was worth it. what’s with everyone giving advice? as if you can help people. you can’t even help yourself. i really don’t care who you are. what do you have to say that is so important? advice isn’t always asked for is what i am saying.

if i reflect and think about the outcome of things, it’s no wonder i feel the way i do. and others as well. maybe we’re not all on the same level. everyone wants to be the fucking alpha dog and i hope you lose in the process. but something is dragging you down just as things are to me.

so go ahead and continue to pursue your career as a fucking douchebag. it’s the cycle of life. the others will feed you with attention and power and you will step on them whenever you feel like it. can’t change the disease if it’s natural.

logged in because i was lonely/bored. took one glance at the dashboard and realized why i left tumblr. i should just delete my account, but i don’t feel like it. fuck it i guess.

you never notice the things about me that i wish you could.

What’s it like to be a loser? Just ask me.